Monday, June 13, 2011

for so long i had been trapped in the cycle of meeting old people, reminiscing over photos of old and smile to myself over history. then the further i remember the more i know it's something i can never get back anymore. that always left a bitter taste in my mouth. i won't deny im a person who treasures relationships strongly. i desire the 'family' as it is in my nature to be that way. i was simply made to be that way.

today when they came over...i felt a sense of joy. a very peaceful sense of joy. a group which i know i can rely on. a group which i believe is worth giving my life to defend for. are this the signs of me finally moving on? am i finally letting You permission to change me?

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 2:02 AM

Monday, May 30, 2011

WHAT DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT GIVING UP.

all that pointless rambles of superficial problems. all these little things that barely affectanything at all, this is not the first time i had doubted my option, but this is the first time i seriously felt more convicted more than ever that it's wrong.

somehow, the day of me letting go feels like it's finally coming.

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 9:48 PM

Sunday, May 29, 2011

You had changed me.

...this is so...unlike me. to apologise without biting back, i sincerely hope no one will take that as hypocrisy.

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 8:13 PM

Thursday, May 26, 2011

for You and You alone

awake my soul, awake my soul and sing

For the world You love

Your will be done, let Your will be done

In me

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 1:50 AM

Gratefulness

So grateful for the past month.

I now believe in second chances. I truly believe it more than before when it is said the richness of Your love is always enough.

You have changed so much of my perspective in this one month.

The way You had moulded me to be what i am now....this is no emotional call. this i believe, is grateful.

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 1:29 AM

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Nobody Else

this place held a lot of memories. from my childish moments to the times when i lure myself into a mode of self depression..or what the world term as 'emo'. If it's not for the date listed on my every post, i doubt i can remember when was my last post.

now with the internet being so open about everything, trying to find a place to post a little something special for my own life feels close to impossible...and somehow i was reminded of this place i have. this what i would call, now my sanctuary.

Lord You have been great in my life. I stand before you now..with no one noticing this spot anymore, giving thanks to you for the joy you have brought me in my darkest times of late. I am...ashamed of what i had done all these while, am ashamed of what i am still doing. but that day of easter....you brought true tears to my face. in this secret place, i want to let You know that slowly, i can be sure to tell You, im coming back to You.

i give thanks for the wonderful people You placed in my life that had not given up hope on me. I give thanks for that very special friend that constantly believed in me despite of my state and how everyone became superficial as i no longer carry that air of 'spiritual being' with me, he stood being real in my life. I give thanks for You carrying your Word across this most unlikely person, someone i used to only know him on a surface level but now someone i can confide in for issues not many can understand unless they had first take my place.

i...had been tired. I had been tired of serving...of the constant dogma of an endless cycle of superficial facades. But on this day, as You brought me to this world 21 years ago... i'm here to tell you that i am back. I look forward to You being once again real in my life as i set my life according to Your will. People might not understand why i choose to be at this spot...i sincerely hope that You will. Though in my head i know that You know. I just pray and hope that right now You are no longer shaking Your head in disappointment.

this is my secret place. if anyone is reading this, if you know me personally. im surprised that you still care about this spot.

cheers to all

and to You, i give my praise.

squabbleddd Soundless Call at 11:41 PM

Thursday, April 1, 2010

:D x 10000000000000000000000000000000000

I AM HAPPY. I HOPE YA CAN SEE THAT NOW!