Gentle Whispers

2011-06-13T02:02:00.003+08:00

for so long i had been trapped in the cycle of meeting old people, reminiscing over photos of old and smile to myself over history. then the further i remember the more i know it's something i can never get back anymore. that always left a bitter taste in my mouth. i won't deny im a person who treasures relationships strongly. i desire the 'family' as it is in my nature to be that way. i was simply made to be that way.

today when they came over...i felt a sense of joy. a very peaceful sense of joy. a group which i know i can rely on. a group which i believe is worth giving my life to defend for. are this the signs of me finally moving on? am i finally letting You permission to change me?

2011-05-30T21:48:00.003+08:00

WHAT DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT GIVING UP.

all that pointless rambles of superficial problems. all these little things that barely affectanything at all, this is not the first time i had doubted my option, but this is the first time i seriously felt more convicted more than ever that it's wrong.

somehow, the day of me letting go feels like it's finally coming.

2011-05-29T20:13:00.001+08:00

You had changed me.

...this is so...unlike me. to apologise without biting back, i sincerely hope no one will take that as hypocrisy.

2011-05-26T01:50:00.002+08:00

for You and You alone

awake my soul, awake my soul and sing

For the world You love

Your will be done, let Your will be done

In me

Gratefulness

2011-05-26T01:29:00.001+08:00

So grateful for the past month.

I now believe in second chances. I truly believe it more than before when it is said the richness of Your love is always enough.

You have changed so much of my perspective in this one month.

The way You had moulded me to be what i am now....this is no emotional call. this i believe, is grateful.

Nobody Else

2011-05-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

this place held a lot of memories. from my childish moments to the times when i lure myself into a mode of self depression..or what the world term as 'emo'. If it's not for the date listed on my every post, i doubt i can remember when was my last post.

now with the internet being so open about everything, trying to find a place to post a little something special for my own life feels close to impossible...and somehow i was reminded of this place i have. this what i would call, now my sanctuary.

Lord You have been great in my life. I stand before you now..with no one noticing this spot anymore, giving thanks to you for the joy you have brought me in my darkest times of late. I am...ashamed of what i had done all these while, am ashamed of what i am still doing. but that day of easter....you brought true tears to my face. in this secret place, i want to let You know that slowly, i can be sure to tell You, im coming back to You.

i give thanks for the wonderful people You placed in my life that had not given up hope on me. I give thanks for that very special friend that constantly believed in me despite of my state and how everyone became superficial as i no longer carry that air of 'spiritual being' with me, he stood being real in my life. I give thanks for You carrying your Word across this most unlikely person, someone i used to only know him on a surface level but now someone i can confide in for issues not many can understand unless they had first take my place.

i...had been tired. I had been tired of serving...of the constant dogma of an endless cycle of superficial facades. But on this day, as You brought me to this world 21 years ago... i'm here to tell you that i am back. I look forward to You being once again real in my life as i set my life according to Your will. People might not understand why i choose to be at this spot...i sincerely hope that You will. Though in my head i know that You know. I just pray and hope that right now You are no longer shaking Your head in disappointment.

this is my secret place. if anyone is reading this, if you know me personally. im surprised that you still care about this spot.

cheers to all

and to You, i give my praise.

2010-04-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

:D x 10000000000000000000000000000000000

I AM HAPPY. I HOPE YA CAN SEE THAT NOW!

2010-03-16T13:46:00.001+08:00

hey man..
i seriously miss'd the times we hang.

2010-03-12T23:23:00.001+08:00

To forget the wrongs
For a reminiscence
Of the toils that had been taken
Surely there had been joy in it

2010-03-09T00:27:00.002+08:00

I heart Hope Esthiem ^^

2010-02-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

to walk down uncertainty with no longer a confirmed future.

2010-02-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

people should finally realize this point.

i no longer give a damn*

*i would have swore if i could. really.

2010-02-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

high time to let it go

crack

2010-02-07T23:36:00.002+08:00

I am the very model of a scientist Salarian
I've studied species Turian, Asari and Batarian
I'm quite good at genetics (as a subset of biology)
Because I am an expert (which I know is a tautology)
My xenoscience studies ranges from urban to agrarian
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian
(Mordin Solus)

Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. Grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me forgiveness.
(Thane Krios)

2010-02-01T19:52:00.002+08:00

to stare through those pierced arms and no longer feel anything, that's death.

icon

2010-02-01T19:44:00.001+08:00

we are at war Shephard

invictus

2010-01-25T01:07:00.001+08:00

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

2010-01-21T17:46:00.001+08:00

regrets are painful learnings.

2010-01-19T19:08:00.000+08:00

turn'd ya backs on me already eh...
was always wondering when will it happen.

2010-01-12T23:32:00.001+08:00

my high-cuts are demanding to fly again
....
i want them to fly again.

in time to come they will
in time to come...

2010-01-08T01:30:00.001+08:00

after all this while
it's either i'm used to being alone.
or i simply enjoy my solitude more

2010-01-02T01:07:00.001+08:00

a new year with a new beginning
and everything change'd.

2009-12-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

the return made me realised how deep i had went..
and how much i refuse to let go.

Revolution is the sacrifice of this generation for the next.

2009-12-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

already anticipating the return

mm...korea...

2009-12-05T00:07:00.002+08:00

2009-12-03T19:36:00.001+08:00

an oath of never letting you be in the same situation as they are.

2009-11-30T20:54:00.002+08:00

reading those words from those people made me smile.
...
i am happy.

2009-11-24T16:44:00.000+08:00

need to speed up the change process

2009-11-20T00:03:00.001+08:00

new memories formed themselves as i drift away

2009-11-12T20:44:00.000+08:00

what use'd to be familiar words upon my very lips
now feels like a distant past steadily overtime

2009-11-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

dragging this is simply wasting my time.

2009-11-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

to commit without commitments.

2009-11-02T00:59:00.003+08:00

A strong grip
An unbending will
A stubborn decision

2009-10-27T18:39:00.002+08:00

never thought that i would hold on so tightly
to deny all within my sight, the weak or mighty
just to be at a standstill to drown that venom in
a poison that by far is the sweetest ever been

2009-10-18T10:55:00.001+08:00

true joy comes from anguish

do i still have that joy in me?

2009-10-16T16:28:00.001+08:00

an end?
a finishing line?
the last lap?

or simply backing out?

cold decision

2009-10-11T21:08:00.001+08:00

for it...i am prepare'd to let it all go
afterall
what do i have left with me anymore?

2009-10-10T01:01:00.001+08:00

there is peace as my core finally move'd.

2009-10-08T22:45:00.001+08:00

a first that makes me remember it for a long time

2009-10-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

what is worth loving
is worth protecting

what was worth cherishing
no longer feels like it's anything

2009-09-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

As I walk all my life drifts before me
Although the end is near I'm not sorry
Catch my soul cause it's willing to fly away

Mark my words believe my soul lives on
Don't worry now that I have gone
I've gone beyond to see the truth

2009-09-28T13:54:00.001+08:00

I don't see myself in this place of the Kingdom

2009-09-27T00:55:00.004+08:00

The values that made a man
Is it still enough to sustain him in a place
Where the values itself are shaken so badly?

there is no real me, for to maintain that, i will have to leave.

Commitment

2009-09-26T01:46:00.001+08:00

what is this that is coursing through me?

i am moving in my own direction in this, not just of my own desire, but because You deserve people with better callings.
i,
am not made for this right now.

2009-09-23T23:08:00.001+08:00

stuff elevate'd
while mess escalate'd

2009-09-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

for the first time in my life, even i wanna be under those spotlights.

2009-09-18T00:43:00.002+08:00

ownership
burdens

burdened ownership?

or is it simply ownership being a burden?

is staying true to who i am enough anymore?

2009-09-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

the joy though short - lived,
will remain in me for a long while
and the memories
had for once after so long, never been as treasure'd.

ache

2009-09-14T00:06:00.001+08:00

I took a turn and look'd back
To see that things were not as the same as I had made myself believe
There's a change that went on
And a decision to be made for myself to move on

I no longer believe this is just insecurity
This is, I believe, disappointment.

2009-09-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

my crack and candy

Video Games | Dante's Inferno | Greed Developer Diary

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

a halt

2009-09-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

wandering

2009-09-08T02:40:00.001+08:00

to what ends will i continue before i finally learn to stop and turn back?
im not too sure,
i only know that
for now, i do not wish to turn back.

iCryoutforthiswholedealtobereal

2009-09-05T01:13:00.001+08:00

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire deep inside my heart

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

2009-09-05T00:34:00.001+08:00

'we still love God and wanna do His work'

Such been say'd one time too many and it's starting to feel hypocritical.
sodamnsickofthisbullcrap.

2009-09-02T01:08:00.003+08:00

My candy and jam.

And lastly for those who stood their ground and never back'd down.

2009-09-01T00:08:00.002+08:00

so i'll let you go
i'll set you free
and when you see what you need to see
when you find you,
come back to me.

Your promise to me
My assurance forever.

2009-08-31T15:03:00.003+08:00

does time sunder apart?
or does it mend together?

i go down on my knees and apologize
even if things can be made right
is there any point to it now?

2009-08-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

no past, no future
everything was for this moment.

2009-08-27T22:45:00.001+08:00

to see all this before my eyes and move on
is this being strong or no longer can be bother'd?

2009-08-25T00:50:00.000+08:00

for what it's worth
it's not where you're from
but what you brought along with you within

2009-08-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

a sword
march me up the irons

a gun
march me up the fields

a Truth
march me up the Gates

2009-08-23T18:16:00.000+08:00

The world seems not the same,
Though I know nothing has changed.
It's all my state of mind,
I can't leave it all behind.
Have to stand up to be stronger.

I know, should realize
Time is precious, it is worthwhile.
Despite how I feel inside,
Have to trust it'll be all right.
Have to stand up to be stronger.

I have to try to break free
From the thoughts in my mind.
Use the time that I have,
I can't say goodbye,
Have to make it right.
Have to fight, cause I know
In the end it's worthwhile,
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away.
It will be all right.

2009-08-23T01:05:00.002+08:00

be ever faithful and ever unchanging

my covenant

2009-08-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

2009-08-21T16:27:00.001+08:00

i want to be a part of that again.

2009-08-21T01:46:00.001+08:00

see this heart and tell me
why will You be please'd?

2009-08-20T00:19:00.000+08:00

what's not worth dying for is not worth living for.

then tell me why am i still here?

2009-08-16T22:24:00.001+08:00

Now up on the spot (spot)
All the way from out on the block
I hustle hard cause it's all the same
And you know that crime don't stop
Just 'cause I rose to the top
And everybody knows my name
Still grindin
Still hustlin
No more pain
No more sufferin
To my ladies and my shorties and my thugs,
and the dancing starting to love
All the above

2009-08-15T01:41:00.000+08:00

why is this causin such stirrin within me?

2009-08-11T20:49:00.001+08:00

apparently it takes more than mere effort and heart to stand over at that side of the grass.

2009-08-09T15:58:00.000+08:00

attempt'd with all that i could all this while
a fool to believe that i could actually stand through it without thoughts
only to find that i like that many other occasions, am made obsolete

2009-08-08T02:15:00.001+08:00

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolors all with tunnel vision

2009-08-06T21:30:00.001+08:00

will You permit?

Ponder

2009-08-04T22:58:00.002+08:00

Really what do you see
When you looking at me?
See me come up from nothing,
To me living my dreams
I done been to the bottom,
I done suffered a lot,
I deserve to be rich,
Headed straight to the top

How the hell could you stop me?
Why in the world would you try?
I go hard forever,
That's just how I'm designed,
That's just how I was built
See the look in my eyes?
You take all of this from me,
And I'm still gon' survive

Tell me what do you see
When you looking at me
Who im mission to be
What I'm destined to be
I done been through the pain and the sorrow
The struggle is nothing but love
I'm a soldier, a rider, a ghetto survivor
And all the above
All the above

2009-08-03T00:22:00.006+08:00

traditions are meant to be broken, or be brought to a new level

2009-07-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

Uncertainties rise once again
Ways too incomprehensible
Only able to trust in a faith
That withers in the clutches

2009-07-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

'Don't really matter if you agree with the war or not, cuz if you didn't agree with the war, they'll still be with the fighting cuz that's what good soldiers do.'~ M.Shadows

Are we such people in our own ways all the time?

P.S:someone please give me back my italics, kthxbye.

2009-07-26T22:23:00.002+08:00

why do i care when none does?

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold right out here,
too many people to ache over

2009-07-26T02:49:00.001+08:00

God gave you a face and you made another

2009-07-25T01:04:00.001+08:00

i stand in the middle of it all.
take a look in the mirror and tell me
has it change'd?

2009-07-21T18:20:00.001+08:00

my own 9 circles of inferno

2009-07-16T01:22:00.002+08:00

had things revert back to what it was again?

if it had, am i gonna take an early step in
or am i gonna take a step upon timing
or do i simply just ignore it for good?

a distant past reminding me of my present self.

2009-07-13T00:28:00.001+08:00

slap me if i ever say 'i understand'

that stuff never makes sense in my life anymore.

2009-07-10T00:16:00.001+08:00

ABDC...Alabama...it's all clack clacks.

2009-07-09T00:52:00.001+08:00

bring the rain punk...
i'll show ya a storm in ya face.

2009-07-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

damn...i am a fool to believe.

i mock at my own self pity.
step up the pace
it's time to move with no one by my side once again.

2009-07-07T02:02:00.001+08:00

Has the cycle finally ran its course and decided to break itself apart?

2009-07-05T01:31:00.001+08:00

would it set me free?
if i dare to let you see
the truth behind the person that you had imagined me to be
would your arms be open?
or would you walk away?
would the love of Jesus
be enough to make you stay?

2009-07-04T02:02:00.001+08:00

why does this frustration just wont stop?

The past a mere lullaby of comfort
The future a macabre of uncertainty
The present a mournful tone

2009-07-04T01:07:00.002+08:00

had i truly walked forward?

the past a haunting image
chasing me through the windswept alleys

telling me time and time again
reminding me to always regret

Surrendering

2009-07-03T03:16:00.002+08:00

I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
swallow that pill
that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
the new me will be alright

2009-07-02T02:40:00.001+08:00

looking at the many faces and feeling the many emotions.
i believe it's the time where
it's all heart from here.

2009-06-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

look back to the world
and i understand my issues are as though little to none

look back to the lost
and i realise'd im not that far from home at all

a heart that devotes

2009-06-29T01:04:00.003+08:00

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I dont need to see it to believe it
I dont need to see it to believe it
Cause I cant shake this
Fire deep inside my heart

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I dont need to see it to believe it
I dont need to see it to believe it
Cause I cant shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
Its all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You

2009-06-28T03:08:00.002+08:00

too far to be reach'd.
too distant to be heard

watch as the wind sweeps away the remnants of what's left.
there will be no joy nor pain
only an empty smile
a painted cry.
for the the void inside will not be shaken.

2009-06-26T02:12:00.003+08:00

is the word hypocrisy?
is the word low-down?

i finally realize the word that i am trying to find
hell, i even create'd that word myself.

it's a new culture in this new age.
i thought it's something of the past but actually it still runs, even in places and people one think they can find their solace in. the facade of lying comfort.

that culture,
dogmatism.

everything is a system, from the highest structure to the closest circle. its all a dogmatic belief of a structure of 'i have to be this for it's set to be this way.'

that is what is at the core of every self-assumed.

2009-06-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

mm...a word...

...

ah.

pathetic.

2009-06-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

reminders bringin back this intense stab of impulsive annoyance to wanna break things.

2009-06-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

let the resounding begin once again

2009-06-23T01:48:00.002+08:00

im tempted to stab and slit the heart within
to stop all this from flowing out like a loose tap

someone find me something to focus on before i snap.